i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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