After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
