Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
