I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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