I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Vodka?
Forever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
