new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
