Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
