You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
