Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
