omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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