You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
