If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
