Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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