She is in my trunk
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
