coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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