Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My brain says no but my pants say off.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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