woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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