He asked to "fluff my boner.."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
