the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
