We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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