Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
