I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
