what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
