jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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