We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just puked most of my soul out..
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