It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
