I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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