just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
