I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have post one night stand depression
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