idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
