I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
