i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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