Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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