Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
