I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
