oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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