o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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