One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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