the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
