I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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