real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
