So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
