will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
why is half of my head shaved?
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