i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
