I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
