Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
