I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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