i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
