just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
