so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
foreskin is a definite game changer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
